I'm Back

Apologies for not posting for a while but I had a family problem....I will be posting from now on.

My current weight is 301 lbs...total loss 17lbs

Help Me God

Oh my God I feel like I have been hit by a truck. Every single part of my body aches right now. Even typing hurts! I think I may have over done things in the gym yesterday...ya think?

Joining A Gym

I took a big step today and joined a gym. When I was younger I was very fit and athletic and somehow over time I have just become a lazy slob. I could make excuses and say it was because I was busy being a husband or a Dad or that I was tired after a long day at work but the truth is that I used all of those as a reason to laze around.

I realise that if I am going to lose this weight that I have to increase my daily metabolic rate as the job that I do challenges me only mentally and not physically. Having said that the thought of walking into a gym was very intimidating as I knew that the majority of people in there would be people who were looking to tone up and would therefore not be overweight to the degree I am. I know I could have joined a club for fat people and gone to swim aerobics or the like but in all honesty I believe that I need to shock myself into submission. Surrounding myself by other fat people isn't the answer as we will all have low self esteem problems and I don't want to take on their problems as well as mine or find people to console me.

I want to be around good looking people who will motivate me. Nothing works better than seeing a slim, fit, attractive woman working out and knowing that she finds you repulsive to motivate you to lose weight. It is of course difficult to accept that she may feel that way towards me but it will feel even sweeter in a years time when she will find me attractive.

Struggling Already

Why is it that I can't do a simple thing like stop stuffing food into my mouth when I am fed up? Everything was going fine yesterday, I was keeping busy and my need for food was minimal until my wife said something to me that made me feel sad. My response was to go and eat something....what is up with that? The sad part is that it wasn't until after I had eaten the damn chips that I realised what I had done...it was an automated response created over years of compulsive self medicating.

I am going to have to concentrate very hard not to react as I do when things upset me. I need to firstly break this cycle.

My Journey Begins

I am a 42 years old man and unhappy. I am unhappy with how I look...how others view me...my career and my marriage and it all because I am obese. How obese? Very obese...grim reaper obese.

As of today I am 5ft 10 inches tall and weigh 318 lbs and over the course of 12 months I am going to lose 2 lbs a week and get down to 210lbs. This will be the journal of my quest to get my life back in order and I will do my best to post something every day. I will be totally honest here because I can't be totally honest anywhere else. I also realise that nobody will probably read this but that is ok...I will write it anyway as a remider to myself as to why I am doing this. My life needs to change and it needs to change now before it is too late.

I realise that in reality I am not unhappy because I am fat...I am fat because I am unhappy but I cannot change the things that make me unhappy until I get some self confidence back and losing weight will help me do that. I do not intend initially to attend any 'fatbusters' programmes as the issues I have mentally are issues that I do not want to share with anyone apart from in an anonymous setting such as this.

Here goes...